my minds journey

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

never is easy...

It's not easy when you feel alone. It's not easy when you feel like no one cares or there's noone to turn to.

You know, I have felt alone, felt like God has abandoned me, and it is horrible! I've felt like there is no person who cares and surely that if God cared, I wouldn't be feeling so bad. I guess I have learned that he does always, even when I don't feel like he does. (I know this is easier said that done)

When I'm feeling alone and isolated there are a few things I do depending on the situation I am in...
*sometimes I write, I scream out to God on paper about how I feel, I call out to God and sometimes all I get in response is silence, but it seems to help to get it out.
* sometimes I read the bible
* other times I draw, I find some paper and pastels and just draw what I feel
* then sometimes I turn on a song that I know helps me get rid of my anger, or I know brightens up my mood and I listen to it, and become totally immersed in it.
* sometimes I get a hug from a friend I can trust
* sometimes I talk to a person I know I can trust

I must clarify, I do beleive we are made to be in relationship. God craves relationship with us, and aren't we made in his image. It was too lonely just a one, in the garden of Eden, so God made two. Relationships, companionship are a vital to us as human beings.

I guess that it's about having good relationships. It's funny because relationships and friendships cause us so much grief at times, they can be the thing that leads us into trouble or leaves us feeling hurt. Yet they are almost like air to us, something we can not live without. They can bring joy and happiness and lots of fun to our lives!

Relationships are great and we do find out more about ourselves and God through them, but they can't be the basis of how we judge our own worth.

So I did some training yesterday... dealing with difficult people, it was really good. Lots of it is common sense when you think of it. I was reminded that I am in control of 50% of a conversation, and using that 50% the right way, may just change the direction of the interaction, it may not end up all happy, but it is my 50% that I need to worry about.

Also reminded that I need to ACT not REACT.

Good principles, I need to practice!!